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When God Seems to Withdraw From You (Psalm 77)

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me" (Ps 77:1). "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" (Ps 77:7-9)

• Have you ever faced something so difficult and so heartbreaking that it's caused you to question God's goodness, presence and love (Ps 77:7-9; 22:1)?
  

1. What was the psalmist's present existential, experiential and emotional state (Ps 77:1; Heb 5:7)? What did he do in his distress (Ps 77:2)?
2. When he remembered God in prayer, did it help him (Ps 77:3; Gen 37:35; Jer 31:15)?
   
3. Did recalling personal experiences help (Ps 77:4-6)? 
• Was he blaming God for his insomnia and being speechless (Ps 77:4)?
• Is it a sign of a failure in one's faith to despair and to experience deep grief or calamity? 
4. Have you asked such questions (Ps 77:7-9)? What arouses and perpetuates God's anger (Ps 77:9; 38:1, 3)? Are such questions faithless (Ps 22:1)? Is expressing doubt about God's love [ḥeseḏ] and faithfulness bad?
5. Why does he reflect on and recall God's past deeds (Ps 77:10-12)? How has God expressed his holiness (Ps 77:13), deeds (Ps 77:14) and redemption (Ps 77:15)?
• What is the difference between the remembering of Ps 77:3-6 and Ps 77:11-15?
• How can a meditation on God's past actions help in one's present circumstances?
• How does his meditation on the past answer his questions (Ps 77:7-9)? What are the answers?
6. What imagery and event does he use to describe God's power and control over nature (Ps 77:16-19)? What is the conclusion or resolution in his journey of faith/trust in God (Ps 77:20)?

Psalm 77 is an example of God's people asking Him, "Why?" 

• Why do we suffer? 
• Why does God not come to help us when we are faced with adversity? 
• Why did God allow this terrible thing to happen? 
• (Why) Is God disappointed/upset with me? Punishing me? Has God forgotten me because of my sins?

A lament is a cry of desperation to God, a passionate expression of grief and sorrow. Psalm 77 may be read as an individual lament psalm. Lament psalms are meant for us to pray them ourselves – to use the words of the psalmist for our own prayer life.

Psalm 77 begins with a felt alienation from God and moves to a place of triumphant praise. In this and other psalms like it, faith is cultivated in the tension between human reality and the divine promises. The mood of this psalm changes from lamentation (1-9) to reflection (10-12) and ultimately to celebration (13-20).

Faith neither downplays the seriousness of the prevailing situation nor does it lower expectations of what we can expect from God. Rather than seeking to resolve this tension between present reality and divine promise by dialing down either element of the tension, faith is actually dials up both at the same time. The turning point comes as the psalmist reflects on the past acts of God. This is a classic Hebrew idea of walking into the future facing backwards. Reflection on the acts of God in the past (Ps 77:10-12, 13-20) creates faith to face the future.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on Ps 77:1-10. (Read Psalm 77:1-10)

Days of trouble must be days of prayer; when God seems to have withdrawn from us, we must seek him till we find him. In the day of his trouble the psalmist did not seek for the diversion of business or amusement, but he sought God, and his favor and grace. Those that are under trouble of mind, must pray it away.

He poured upon the trouble; the methods that should have relieved him did but increase his grief. When he remembered God, it was only the Divine justice and wrath. His spirit was overwhelmed, and sank under the load. But let not the remembrance of the comforts we have lost, make us unthankful for those that are left. Particularly he called to remembrance the comforts with which he supported himself in former sorrows.

Here is the language of a sorrowful, deserted soul, walking in darkness; a common case even among those that fear the Lord (Isaiah 50:10). Nothing wounds and pierces like the thought of God being angry (Ps 77:9). God's own people, in a cloudy and dark day, may be tempted to make wrong conclusions about their spiritual state, and that of God's kingdom in the world. But we must not give way to such fears.

Let faith answer them from Scripture. The troubled fountain will work itself clear again; and the recollection of former times of joyful experience often raises a hope, tending to relief. Doubts and fears proceed from the want and weakness of faith. Despondency and distrust under affliction, are too often the infirmities of believers, and, as such, are to be thought upon by us with sorrow and shame. When, unbelief is working in us, we must thus suppress its risings (Ps 42:5, 11; 43:5).

References:

1. Tremper Longman III & David E Garland. Psalms. The Expositor's Bible Commentary. 2008. Psalm 77: A Remembrance of God's Greatness. God's Rejection of the Earth.
• A. Cry for Help (Ps 77:1-2).
• B. Remembrance of God in Hymns of the Night (Ps 77:3-6).
• C. Questions (Ps 77:7-9).
• B'. Remembrance of God's Mighty Deeds (Ps 77:10-12).
• A'. Confidence in God's Help (Ps 77:13-20).
2. Tim Keller. The Songs of Jesus. 2015. Psalm 77.
   
1. The importance of meditation (Ps 77:1-4).
2. Asking questions (Ps 77:5-9).
3. Arguing your case (Ps 77:10-15).
4. The supreme exodus (Ps 77:16-20).
3. Gerald Wilson. Psalms Vol 1. The NIV Application Commentary. 2002.
4. John Goldingay. Psalms for Everyone, Part 1. 2013.
5. Derek Kidner. Psalms 1-72, 1973. Psalms 73-150, 1975. Psalm 77: Musings in two moods.
1. Cries of distress (Ps 77:1-3).
2. Searching of heart (Ps 77:4-9).
3. Courage from the past (Ps 77:10-15).
4. "Thunder of thy power" (Ps 77:16-20).
6. Alec Motyer. Psalms by the Day. A New Devotional Translation. 2016. Psalm 77: Memories in a Time of Trouble.
   
• A. When prayer, remembering God, does not help (Ps 77:1-3).
• B. When recalling personal experiences does not help, only prompt questions (Ps 77:4-9).
• C. Memories that bring confident assurance (Ps 77:10-20).
7. Robert Altar. The Hebrew Bible. A Translation with Commentary. 2019.
8. John Stott. Favorite Psalms. 1988.
9. A troubled heart. The troubled heart remembers God's great work. A cure for hopeless depression. Questions in grief.

Trouble is an inevitability of life, and we tend to reflect on our troubles at night when trying to sleep. We sense our despair and desperation and turn to God for help. But it seems that God is very distant, and our prayers receive no answer (Ps 22:2). What do you do when many hours of prayer and meditation do nothing to comfort the soul?

The greatest men face deep discouragements. Elijah, Jeremiah, and John the Baptist fought discouragement and struggled with lapses in faith as they lay in the cave, prison cell, or at the bottom of a deep well in the dark of night. But their souls received no comfort from their prayers and meditations. The psalmist stretches out his hands for God's comfort and blessing but receives nothing. As his thoughts turn to God, his distress only intensifies. At this point the faithless give up on God and rely on cheap worldly comforts of food, drink, or drugs to make it through their troubles. But Asaph steadfastly continues his meditation and prayer.

How would you try to comfort someone who is feeling like the psalmist? Would you point to the past, present, or future? Is there an event in your past that you call to mind in times of trouble? Do you ever catch yourself living in the past? Do you ever long for the "good old days?" Were they really that way, or is your hindsight viewed with rose-colored glasses? Could these days someday seem like "the good old days?" Were there any "good old days" in your relationship with God? How do you keep your relationship with God fresh so that "these days" could be "the good old days?"

  

Psalm 77 is one of those remarkable psalms that begins in a place of felt alienation from God and moves to a place of triumphant praise. It may represent the distress of the nation as a whole. In this psalm and others like it, faith is cultivated in the tension between human reality and the divine promises.

In Psalm 77 the reality for the psalmist is that he feels that God has forsaken his people, probably because of external military oppression. The divine promises are implied in the historical precedents of the past. Here we see that faith neither downplays the seriousness of the prevailing situation nor does it lower expectations of what we can expect from God. Rather than seeking to resolve this tension between present reality and divine promise by dialing down either element of the tension, faith is actually dialing up both at the same time. It seems that what is happening here is that the Psalmist is seeking to provoke the faithfulness of God by strong appeals to the key covenant precedents. This is faith at work and it is profound and instructive.

The turning point of the psalm comes as the psalmist begins to reflect on the past acts of God. This is a classic case of the Hebrew idea of walking into the future facing backwards. Reflection on the acts of God in the past creates faith to face the future. The events being referred to here are of course those of the Exodus. The Psalms have been the primary source for the worship traditions of both Judaism and Christianity going back to ancient times. It is often described as the 'heart' of the bible. From lamentation to songs of jubilant praise, from battle cry to benediction, from exclamation of awe and wonder to reflections of tranquillity and perfect wisdom, Sons of Korah provide a compelling portrait of the world.

Major imprecatory Psalms include Psalm 69 and Psalm 109, while Psalms 5, 6, 11, 12, 35, 37, 40, 52, 54, 56, 57, 58, 59, 79, 83, 94, 137, 139 and 143 are also considered imprecatory.

[Our minds instinctively reflect upon the mighty works of God in the past. Our attention is drawn away from our present state of trouble to the power, holiness, and love of God for His people. After the third verse, we will completely forget our own condition as we lose ourselves in deep meditation upon the character and work of God.]

God Never Ceases Calling Us to Him

"Yet such are the pity and compassion of this Lord of ours, so desirous is He that we should seek Him and enjoy His company, that in one way or another He never ceases calling us to Him . . . God here speaks to souls through words uttered by pious people, by sermons or good books, and in many other such ways. Sometimes He calls souls by means of sickness or troubles, or by some truth He teaches them during prayer, for tepid as they may be in seeking Him, yet God holds them very dear."—St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle.

Spiritual Depression (Psalm 42-43)

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God" (Ps 42:1). "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God" (Ps 42:5, 11; 43:5).

1. Do you long for God as a deer pants for water (Ps 42:1-2)? Do you long for God more in good times or in hard times? Do you long more for something else or for God? For answers or for God Himself? Do you need to reach the end of yourself before repenting and truly seeking God?
2. What does it look like to hope in God (Ps 42:5, 11; 43:5)? How can you practically and existentially place your hope in God the next time you face difficulty? Rom 15:14; 8:24-25; Ps 46:2-3; Heb 11:1; Tit 1:1-2; 1 Jn 3:3.
3. In Psalm 42-43, the writer felt overwhelmed and discouraged. How do you cope with those kinds of things -- discouragement, despair, depression? What do you long for when you feel overwhelmed? What can you learn from the psalmist about responding to those seasons of difficulty correctly?
   

• Refrain: "Self-talk" (Ps 42:5, 11; 43:5) is to recall the ground for faith and hope. God is my Savior. Thus, the reason for hope and praise. But when we listen to ourselves, we tend to dwell on bad news. But when we speak to our souls, we have an opportunity to dwell on gospel truth.
• Quote: "Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?" Martyn-Lloyd Jones. [Full quote below.]
• Note: 9 times the question "Why" rings out in Psalm 42-43: Ps 42:5, 9, 11; 43:2, 5.
• Warning: There is great danger when you forget God, forget his mighty works, and forget the church--the worshipping community of faith.
• Questions:
• Do followers of God face tough times? Face troubling times of anguish, agony and anxiety and a sense of defeat and discouragement, despair and drowning, dryness and darkness, dejection and depression? Why (Ps 22:1)?
• How do you counter the defeating sense of being abandoned by God in Psalm 42 and 43? How does the Psalmist balance his feelings of abandonment with his trust in God?
• How do the psalmist's expressions of sorrow reflect your own experiences in times of hardship (Ps 13:1-2, 38:2; 51:3-4; 22:1-2)?
• When it seems like God is silent (Ps 28:1; 83:1; Job 30:20), what truths help you put one foot in front of the other?
• What has God given you to remember His work and presence in your life?
• The psalmist talked about God's song in the night (Ps 42:8). Have songs encouraged you and why?
• What is the role of the community of believers in helping someone who is discouraged (Ps 42:4)? Why is the church and community worship such an important part of the life of Christians?
• Are you more accustomed to listening to yourself, or talking to yourself? What can you learn about self-counseling from Psalm 42? Consider the following:   
  
• Are my circumstances due to any known sin on my part (Psalm 32, 51)?
• Does God want me to do anything to change my circumstances or do I need to learn to wait until he acts? [Think about Elijah by the brook Cherith or Joseph in prison in Egypt.]  
• If I can't change my circumstance, how does God want me to change my stance or perspective? [Think about Paul's reference to being an ambassador in chains instead of a mere prisoner.]
• How does knowing God's sovereign control of the situation bring a sense of comfort?
  

1. Looking back: God in the past (Ps 42:1-5). A remembrance of the past. The drought.
2. Looking around: God in the present (Ps 42:6-11). A reflection of the present. The depths.
3. Looking ahead: God in the future (Ps 43:1-5). An anticipation of God's presence and deliverance. The release.

• Lessons to Learn:
1. Even followers of God/Christians face tough times and are not exempt from them.
2. Tough times should lead the people of God/Christians to thirst for God.
3. Thirst is quenched by faith (Ps 42:5, 11; 43:5). Faith is being sure of what we hope for (Heb 11:1) in his loneliness, fear, anxiety, depression, feeling of abandonment, when it seems that God is not listening, has forgotten him, or hidden his face from him, or not going to deliver him, etc. His present tense longing is met by God's past tense faithfulness and God's future tense promises.
4. God is still the answer.

Psalm 42:1. The poignancy of this famous line reflects the distinctive tone of this supplication: instead of emphasizing the speaker's suffering he expresses above all his passionate longing for God. He addresses his words to God but feels distant from God, removed from the Temple and plagued by enemies (Ps 42:3-4). "I" is the intensive form of the 1st-person pronoun, nafshi, abundantly used in this psalm, and translated as "my whole being" (Alter). "pants" (NIV), "yearns" (Alter), "craves" (Motyer) may refer to the sound a thirsty deer makes as it drinks, or to the animal's bending its neck toward water.

Psalm 42:5. This "self-talk" is the major refrain of Psalm 42-43. It's an important dialogue between the 2 aspects of the believer. We are called to live in eternity, with a mind stayed on God, but also in time, where mind and body are under pressures that cannot and should not leave us impassive. The refrain teaches us to take seriously both aspects of our existence. There is no hint that his distress was avoidable, or unendurable. Either way it did not shake his faith.

   

A sense of abandonment by God is expressed to some degree or another in all lament psalms: From "Why do you delay when I need you?" as in this psalm to the ultimate abandonment expressed in Psalm 22, or especially Psalm 88. The psalmist in trouble consistently senses that God is far away and slow to act. Help never comes quickly enough for the one in pain. But as he pours out his soul in anguish (Ps 42:4) and his soul is downcast (Ps 42:5), he remembers God (Ps 42:6).

Remembrance and forgetting (both divine and human). Memory is important in the O.T., appearing > 350 times {the verbal root zkr [zāḵar] and all its related nouns} (Ps 42:4, 6)}. When other idiomatic expressions that do not use zkr are included ("bring to mind," "keep in your heart"), concern with memory is even more pervasive.

"Remember" in the OT is akin to our "recall." But for Israel it is never as simple as bringing to mind a set of feelings or facts. Almost without exception, a call to remember is at the same time a call to action. It's a call to remember God--Yahweh in order to remain faithful to him:

• Remember the commandments and keep them.
• Remember God's wonderful acts and praise him for them [among the worshipping congregation in the temple].
• Remember God's deliverance in spite of our lack of righteousness and be humbly dependent on him.

Memory is never passive but requires an active response to what is remembered. To remember God is to ground one's life in and on him and so to draw all of one's life decisions and actions out of that foundation.

Why is forgetfulness so tragic and so often condemned in the O.T.? Because it is not a simple passive loss of memory but a willful resistance or rejection of memory and a consequent failure to act appropriately. To forget God is to resist making the connection between who God is and how one is to act in response. It's to act as if God has no claim on me that embodies this forgetfulness. To forget God is not simply to lose memory of God's name, deeds, and commandments, nor even to fail to call him to mind. Forgetting God is a willful act of "unlearning," whereby rebellious humans reject what they have known and--through lack of commitment, disobedience, and refusal to transmit the truth--seek to create a world in which God does not act or even exist. So such people are able to cry, "Where is your God?" (Ps 42:3, 10)

Life together: The importance of communal worship as a response to individual suffering. The psalms are replete with communal laments, communal praise, and communal thanksgiving. Worship is more than a few individuals coming together. They came together to lament or celebrate their lives together, while also focusing on the experiences of the individual: laments, praise, thanksgiving, instruction. The individual is not swallowed up in society, but neither is society disbanded in favor of the individual, which places the individual in the midst of the worshiping congregation (Ps 31:1-22, 23-24). This reflects Israel's understanding of the important interweaving of individual and community in worship (Ps 30, 32, 34, 52, 64, 66).

• The individual delivered by God from trouble brings sacrifices of thanksgiving to the temple and stands among the congregation proclaiming his faithfulness.
• The one who still suffers does not sing laments in isolation but proclaims his or her need in the congregation and seeks hope there.

Strength in numbers. The individual can encourage, challenge or admonish the community toward faithfulness, endurance or repentance. The community can provide a collective memory of the mighty acts of God that exceeds the memory or experience of one and provides the continued context for enduring faith, hope and love.

I'd Rather Have Jesus Song by Jim Reeves.

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold

I'd rather be His than have riches untold

I'd rather have Jesus than houses or land

I'd rather be led by His nail-pierced hand

Than to be the king of a vast domain

And be held in sin's dread sway

I'd rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today

I'd rather have Jesus than worldly applause

I'd rather be faithful to His dear cause

I'd rather have Jesus than worldwide fame

Yes, I'd rather be true to His holy name

Than to be the king of a vast domain

And be held in sin's dread sway

I'd rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today

'I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing 'ourselves' to talk to us! Do you realise what this means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realised that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself……? The essence of this matter is to understand that this self of ours, this other man within us, has got to be handled. Do not listen to him; turn on him, speak to him, exhort him, encourage him; remind him of what you know, instead of listening placidly to him and allowing him to drag you down and depress you. We must stand up as this man did and say 'Why my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.' - D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones.

It's an honest, human experience, especially when in difficult times, to ask why? Why am I experiencing this hurt, this sadness, sorrow and suffering? Why does God seem unconcerned? Why can't I shake this sense of loneliness? Why do I feel unfulfilled? Why, if I'm doing the things I'm supposed to be doing, does God still feel distant? Psalm 42 expresses such queries. The unfettered emotions present in this psalm invite us into an experience of theology with hands and feet. It reflects the process of speaking truth to your heart even as you are enticed by the lies of despair. Also, the flow of the joys of experiencing a confident trust in the Lord one day, or one moment, only to feel the ebb, with joy sliding away, as you receive another bit of bad news or some previously unconsidered challenge makes its way to the forefront of your mind. But this is the dance of discipleship as we, partnered with the Spirit, learn the steps of the Christ-life and live them out in our own day-to-day lives. Psalm 42-43 is the invitation of the Lord to bring your doubts, hopes, and disappointments to him, and allow the words of this Psalm to give voice to the cries of your heart. Learn through these words what it means to practice the application of truth as you trust the Lord each moment of each day.

References:

1. Talking to Yourself, Not Listening to Yourself (Tim Keller).
1. Pour out your soul to God (Ps 42:4). Get in touch with God, with his feelings.
2. Self-dialogue (Ps 42:5). He's not talking to God nor to readers but to himself. We must talk to ourselves instead of allowing ourselves to talk to us.
3. Reorder your hopes (Ps 42:5; 103:2).
2. John Stott. Favorite Psalms. 1988. Psalm 42-43: The Causes and Cure of Spiritual Depression.
1. The causes of spiritual depression.
2. The cure for spiritual depression.
3. Tim Keller. The Songs of Jesus. 2015.
4. Gerald Wilson. Psalms Vol 1. The NIV Application Commentary. 2002.
1. Longing to Meet God (Ps 42:1-5). Thirsty from drought.
2. Overwhelmed and Forgotten (Ps 42:6-11). Drowning in the depths like Jonah.
3. Plea for Vindication and Joyous Return (Ps 43:1-5).
5. John Goldingay. Psalms for Everyone, Part 1. 2013. Psalm 42: Where Is Your God? Psalm 43: When Life Continues to Be Darkness. 
6. Derek Kidner. Psalms 1-72, 1973. Psalms 73-150, 1975. Psalm 42-43: Far From Home.
1. The drought (Ps 42:1-5).
2. The depths (Ps 42:6-11).
3. The release (Ps 43:1-5).
7. Alec Motyer. Psalms by the Day. A New Devotional Translation. 2016. Psalm 42-43: Downcast Soul: Up-beat God.
   
1. Looking back: God in the past (Ps 42:1-5).
2. Looking around: God in the present (Ps 42:6-11).
3. Looking ahead: God in the future (Ps 43:1-5)
8. Tremper Longman III & David E Garland. Psalms. The Expositor's Bible Commentary. 2008.
9. Robert Altar. The Hebrew Bible. A Translation with Commentary. 2019.
10. Feeling Down, Looking Up. Skip Heitzig.

"Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure" by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, a prominent Christian minister and preacher, addresses the issue of spiritual depression and offers insights into its causes and potential remedies. A brief summary:

Causes of Spiritual Depression:

1. A Lack of Assurance regarding one's salvation can lead to spiritual depression.
2. Failure to Understand Scripture: Misinterpretation or a lack of understanding of biblical truths can contribute to feelings of despair and hopelessness.
3. Focusing on Feelings Rather Than Truth: When individuals place too much emphasis on their feelings rather than grounding their faith in objective truths, it can lead to spiritual instability.
4. Physical Factors, such as illness or exhaustion, can influence one's emotional and spiritual state.
5. Wrong Thinking Patterns: Negative thought patterns and distorted thinking can contribute to spiritual depression.

Cure for Spiritual Depression:

1. A deep and accurate understanding of God's Word combats spiritual depression.
2. Focusing on Truth instead of being swayed by emotions. Anchor one's faith in the unchanging truths of Scripture.
3. Seek and embrace the assurance of salvation found in Christ.
4. Engage in Spiritual Disciplines such as prayer, worship, and fellowship can help in overcoming spiritual depression.
5. Renewing the Mind: Transforming negative thought patterns by renewing the mind with biblical truths is crucial for overcoming depression.
6. Relying on the Holy Spirit: Acknowledging the role of the Holy Spirit in guiding, comforting, and empowering believers is essential for spiritual healing.

In summary, "Spiritual Depression" by Martyn Lloyd-Jones provides a comprehensive exploration of the causes of spiritual depression and offers a biblically grounded approach to finding healing and joy in one's spiritual journey. The key lies in a deep understanding of God's Word, reliance on the Holy Spirit, and a shift from feelings to the unchanging truths of Scripture.

Causes of spiritual depression:

1. Unfulfilled expectations.
2. Taunts of unbelievers.
3. Overwhelming struggles of life.
4. Wrong use of the past.
5. Preoccupation with self.

Cure for spiritual depression:

1. Replace your thoughts with his truth.
2. Replace yourself with your God.
3. Replace your past with your future.

Forsaken (2024 Key Verse)

Found guilty as a criminal. 2023 began 2 weeks after 6 armed FBI agents came to my house unannounced at 7 am and hand-cuffed and arrested me. I was indicted and charged with serious offences of defrauding the U.S. government and committing health care fraud for an online job I did for 5 months in 2019. I reviewed charts of patients who had cancer or a family history of cancer to decide whether or not to order a genetic test. Unbeknownst to me, there was a fraud that involved labs and multiple marketing companies that targeted medicare recipients. I knew this only after my defense attorneys informed me. I was paid $26,800 while the lab billed Medicare for 9 million according to my indictment. In Aug, I went to trial. After 3 emotionally exhausting weeks 12 jurors found me guilty on one charge. On Feb 29, 2024, I will be sentenced and will receive prison time of up to 5 years and fines and forfeitures.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 2023 was the worst year in my almost 7 decades of life. It never crossed my mind that I would ever be arrested, hand-cuffed, put in leg shackles, charged with serious offenses, found guilty as a criminal and sent to jail. It was not only emotionally draining, but in legal fees it financially depleted our savings significantly, which Christy painstakingly saved and invested over 4 decades of our marriage. With my sentencing there will be further costs in fees, fines, forfeitures and restitution. But...

2023 was strangely also the best of times. Can anything good or positive come from a depressing and devastating year that culminated in my guilty verdict in 2023? Here are some thoughts:

• At West Loop, I preached through the entire book of Acts, starting in 2022, that ended in July 2023 with Paul's 5 successive trials and his imprisonment in Rome. Then 2 weeks after finishing Acts my own trial began on Aug 15, which is our 42nd wedding anniversary and ended on the last day of August. Acts 20:24 has always resonated with me: "I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news (gospel) of God's grace." This is Paul's expression of his prodigal profligate life. More so than before, this must also be my attitude, as my purpose, motivation and trajectory of life does not change one iota when I go to prison.
• After my guilty verdict I read through Job, Ecceliastes and Psalms. I never thought I would cherish these Wisdom books, because of my cerebral, non-emotional disposition and expression. But it has become my primary reading source for prayer, memorization, strength, comfort and inspiration. In Job 1:9 Satan says, "Does Job fear God for nothing?" implying that Job fears God only because God has blessed him. I need to ask myself, "Do I fear God for God alone, or to receive blessings from God?" So far I've been blessed beyond measure in every possible way. Will I continue to fear God in 2024 when my life situation drastically changes?
• After my guilty verdict I preached only on Psalms:
• (Psalm 1-2) Happiness . To be happy and blessed meditate on Scripture day and night (Ps 1:2).
  
• (Psalm 73) Find Your Faltering Faith by not envying the rich and famous (Ps 73:2-3).
  
• (Psalm 38) An Unrelenting Undertow of Sorrow, mourning (Ps 38:6) and anguish (Ps 38:8). "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart" (Ps 13:2).
  
• (Psalm 51) I Know My Sin. Live with ongoing confession and repentance (Ps 51:3-4).
  
• (Psalm 22) Forsaken. Jesus' godforsakeness is able to save anyone, even I.
  

Thanksgiving:

• Thank God for my 8th grandchild, Elijah Athanasius, born on Aug 12, 3 days before my trial.
• Thank God for Christy suffering in sadness and sorrow with me throughout 2023.
• Thank God for the leadership of our WL elders, who have taken stewardship over the church.
• Thank God for John and Maria who have made our UIC BH a very nice and hospitable place.
• Thank God for all are multiple letters written to the judge on my behalf attesting to my character and requesting leniency during sentencing. This was my biggest unexpected pleasant surprise. Letters were written by: Jenny and signed off by all 10 West Loop elders and their spouses, 2 Chicago UBF elders, and personal letters by Taniesha, Maria Peace, Jennifer Rabchuk, Rhoel, Henry, Sarah Mina of the Philippines, Dr. Mark Yoon, Dr. John Armstrong and 2 long standing friends from Malaysia and Singapore: one medical school classmate and a high court judge whom I've known for 65 years since childhood. These letters touched my heart deeply. I thought to myself, "Wow, I guess people do love me!" and "These would be perfect eulogies for my funeral!" This is surely God's marvelous grace to me.
• Thank God for Christy's cooking because it will be far better than what I'll be eating in my next place of stay.
• Thank God for prompting me to take very seriously the 7 deadly sins as a result of my trial:
1. Lust. Seriously? I'm almost 70.
2. Gluttony. Thank God that I lost 15 lbs because of the stress of the trial.
3. Envy. I don't have to compare myself anymore with the rich and famous.
4. Greed. Losing over a million dollars twice in a lifetime is very good for my soul.
5. Sloth. I will not be able to waste time binge watching and internet surfing.
6. Wrath. Feeling continually sad and sorrowful helps dampen my anger over minor irritations.
7. Pride. The shame of a guilty verdict and prison helps to put me in the place I should always be in.

2024 key verse (KV).

• In 2022 my KV was "Be joyful always" (1 Th 5:16) and I was hand-cuffed, arrested and charged as a criminal.
• In 2023 my KV was "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Heb 13:5; Dt 31:6) and I was found guilty and became a convicted criminal.
• Likely, my 2024 KV is "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Ps 22:1). It is strangely a very encouraging and uniquely comforting verse for me. Why? Jesus died alone so that I'll never be alone. Jesus was forsaken so I can be forgiven. Jesus died horribly, so I can live courageously anywhere.

One Word: Because Jesus was forsaken, I will never be forsaken.

The greatest power and strength is not from those who overpower others, but from those who have power and yet refrain and restrain from using it.

We highlight the flaws and mistakes of those we don't like and disagree with, while we cover them up, minimize them or overlook them for those we like and agree with, or simply ignore them as though they don't exist.

Re: Matthew 6:33 (2023)

😪

Benjamin Toh reacted via Gmail

On Sun, Jan 8, 2023 at 4:07 PM Benjamin Toh <benjamintoh@gmail.com> wrote:

I. Joy.

In 2022 I don't remember why I chose "Be joyful always" (1 Th 5:16) as my KV for the first time in 40 yrs. But I do know that no matter what happens or no matter what does not happen I MUST have joy in my heart and soul. I'll start with joyful events.

The joy of studying and preaching Exodus for the first time in 2022. In brief, all people need only 3 things without which we will still be enslaved by someone or something and are no different from the slaves oppressed by Pharaoh in Egypt:

1. Deliverance (Exo 19:4; 20:2). We need a Savior (Mt 1:21). No one can save themselves. I need salvation to "be joyful always."
2. Obedience (Exo 19:5; 20:3-17). We need to obey the Law (Jn 14:15) to be happy. I need to obey God "be joyful always."
3. Tabernacle (Exo 25:8; 29:44-46). We need a tabernacle for God to dwell with us (Jn 1:14). I must build my tabernacle to "be joyful always."

In 2023, no matter what, the only 3 things I need--deliverance/salvation, obedience/Law, tabernacle--do not change one iota.

The most joyest event in 2022 is when Johnny, my youngest and 7th grandchild, was born on 2/13/2022. Christy and I baby sit him 3 days a week, 6 hours each day. It is the first time in my 6 decades of life that I've spent so much time with a baby, since I hardly spent any time with our own 4 kids and 6 prior grandchildren when they were babies. But by enjoying baby Johnny 3 days a week I realized that I had missed 10 previous opportunities to enjoy lovely babies.

Next, though this was a loss for our Podil members, it was a happy surprise that John and Maria became a part of our WL church community in mid 2022. Dasha tells me that WL stole John and Maria from them. At the end of 2022 we also celebrated the joyous white wedding of Sarah Gutierez. Finally, what is always joyful all year round without exception is knowing your prayer, love and support for me, despite my many shortcomings and sins. But things happened in 2022 that I was quite sad and sorry about, yet God wants me to never lose my joy in Him.

Departure of friends. When people leave the church after many years or even decades, I feel that I've lost some friends that I at least see every Sunday at church. And if they left the church because of me, I'm sorry that I said things that caused them to leave. Despite the departure of some long standing older and younger people, I know that God has comforted and helped me to keep my heart and to "be joyful always" only because of Christ.

Indicted for a criminal offense. In mid-December half a dozen FBI agents came to my house unannounced to arrest me in hand-cuffs at 7:15 am for committing health care fraud. Without going into detail about the charges, it completely surprised me. It's the first time I've ever been hand-cuffed as a potentially dangerous criminal. I was in detention with leg chains for a day with 2 other convicted felons in the same jail cell, and I was released on bond to be tried at a later date. If found guilty my maximum sentence is 10 years in prison + a fine of up to $500,000. This waiting for a jury trial and their verdict is uncomfortable and distressful with many unknowns. But my key verse says, "be joyful always." I learned practically that joy is a choice which has nothing to do with my situation or circumstances. Even Jesus saw the joy set before him while being tortured, crucified and executed on the cross (Heb 12:2). So "be joyful always" is still a great KV for 2023.

Why did this happen? I've been praying that God would sanctify and purify me to be more like Jesus. So, without a doubt God is faithful to answer my prayer. Would you also pray for yourself for God to truly sanctify and purify you?

II. Because of the possibility and prospect of being found guilty and sent to jail, a few key verses for 2023 are:

• Phil 4:8b--"if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
• Isa 55:9--"my ways [are] higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
• Mt 6:33--"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..."
• Heb 13:5--"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,'" which is from Dt 31:6: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

With these verses in mind, being in jail is no big deal in the big picture and in the scheme of things. I hope Christy will visit me in jail. But I have to confess that I will miss seeing my 7-8 grandchildren grow up.

In 2023, God willing, and with your love, prayer and support, John and I will preach. I pray to preach through Acts. Pray for God to bless our outreach and evangelism at UIC. Pray for Ukraine and the end of the war.

"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," therefore seek first his kingdom and his righteousness.

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