"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."
How do Michael Jordan and Madonna feel about their own monumental success and fame?
Longing for his glory days. In an interview in anticipation of his 50th birthday on Feb 17, 2013, Michael Jordan, the Hall of Famer, confesses, "I would give up everything now to go back and play the game of basketball." When asked how he replaces it, Jordan simply states, "You don't. You learn to live with it." Jordan has accomplished what most men can only dream of. Yet he seems to still be longing for his glory days of winning 6 NBA championships, being voted the Finals MVP all 6 times, being the only player in history to lead the NBA in scoring 10 times (7 consecutive, tied with Chamberlain), being voted the NBA's MVP 5 times, and the accolades, awards and records just keep piling upon themselves. Here and here are short summaries. Despite having accomplished and achieved all this, he still wishes he could go back and do all of it again. In his supercilious 2009 Hall of Fame speech, Jordan called the game of basketball his "refuge," the "place where I've gone when I needed to find comfort and peace." Three years later, the restlessness remains. (Source: Do you still want to be like Mike? When greatness meets emptiness. (Michael Jordan at 50) by Matt Smethurst.)
"I have to prove I am somebody." Madonna is a highly accomplished and successful person. But from an interview in Vogue Magazine where she talks about her career, she expresses a tremendous amount of self-awareness and insecurity. This is an excerpt:
"My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless I do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it never will."
The "normal" insatiable ego. Madonna (and MJ too) knows herself better than most of us know ourselves. Once she accomplishes something she has the verdict that she is somebody. But the next day, she realizes that unless she keeps going, she is not. Her ego is not satisfied. Her sense of self, her desire for self-worth, her need to be sure that she is somebody is not fulfilled. She is already so accomplished. (She has sold over 200 million albums. In 2013 her net worth is reported to be one billion. Guiness World Records has labelled her the most successful female artist of all time.) So, why is she still seemingly so insecure? Is she neurotic? No. She knows herself. She is ahead of most of us. But she does not realize that the ego is insatiable. It is a black hole. No matter how much we put into the ego every day, feeding it, the next day it is bare. Like her, we have to become somebody. Then even if we do become somebody, we still need to become somebody. This is the "normal" state of the human self or ego or pride. Are the Christians in Corinth any different?
What are the marks of a heart that has been radically changed by the grace of God? If we trust in Christ, what should our hearts be like? Is it a matter of morally virtuous behavior? It is quite possible to "live rightly" when our hearts are filled with fear, pride, jealousy, or a desire for power over others. Thus, what does a heart changed at the root by the grace of God look like in real life?
Division in the church. Paul said, "So then, no more boasting about men!" (1 Cor 3:21) Because of boasting, the Corinthian church was divided. It was originally planted by Paul (Acts 18:1ff). But other evangelists, like Apollos and Cephas, came to Corinth later on. Different people had connections with different prominent ministers; some were mentored and discipled by Paul, others by Apollos or Cephas. These relationships became the basis for power-plays (1 Cor 1:12, 3:4,20, 4:6). Parties arose and divisions tore up the church, likely with different people, affiliated with different leaders, vying for being the top leader.
Self-esteem. Paul knew that the root cause of church division is pride and boasting. So he emphatically pleads, "No more boasting" (1 Cor 3:21), and asks rhetorically, "Why do you boast...?" (1 Cor 4:7) The basis of boasting is always pride, and the closely related interesting subject of self-esteem.
Too high/low view of self. Traditional cultures always believed that too high view of yourself was the root cause of all the evil in the world: the reason for crime, why people are abused, cruel, do bad things, etc. The reason was hubris - the Greek word meaning pride or too high a view of yourself. But in our modern western culture we developed an utterly opposite cultural consensus to that of the traditional consensus -- that people misbehave for lack of self-esteem, for having too low a view of themselves. Thus, husbands beat their wives and the reason people are criminals is because they have too low a view of themselves.
People with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to others. Psychologist Lauren Slater wrote an article in the New York Times magazine called 'The Trouble with Self-Esteem.' She reported what experts have known for years that there is no evidence that low self-esteem is a big problem in society. She quoted three current studies all of which reached this conclusion. She stated that "people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem and feeling bad about yourself is not the source of our country's biggest, most expensive social problems." (Lauren Slater, The Trouble with Self-Esteem, The New York Times magazine, Feb 03, 2002.) It may take years for us to accept this, for it is so deeply rooted in our psyche that lack of self-esteem is the reason why there is drug addiction, crime, wife beating and so forth. Slater says it may take forever for this view to change.
Both views are simple (simplistic). The low-esteem theory is attractive because you do not have to make moral judgments in order to deal with society's problems. All you have to do is support people and build them up. But we know that this often does not work; in fact it may cripple people for life. However, in traditional cultures, you clamped down on people and convicted them and called them bad. This might scare some people. It might behaviorally change some people. But it does not touch the heart.
This passage is intriguing because it gives us an approach to self-regard, to the self and a way of seeing ourselves that is different from both traditional and modern/postmodern contemporary cultures. Three things Paul shows us are:
- Ego: The natural condition of the human ego.
- Transformation: The transformed sense of self (which Paul discovered and which can be brought about through the gospel).
- Means: How to get that transformed sense of self.
Physioō. 1 Cor 4:6b says, "Then you will not be puffed up (take pride) in being a follower of one of us over against the other." The word "puffed up" (NIV 2011) or "take pride" (NIV 1984) is not the normal hubris word for pride, but physioō. It is an unusual word. Paul uses it another five times in this letter (1 Cor 4:18,19, 5:2, 8:1, 13:4) and once in Col 2:18. Commentators say it is a special theme of Paul. By using this particular word, Paul is trying to teach us something about the human ego. The word literally means "to inflate, to blow up, to cause to swell up," (Blue Letter Bible) to be distended beyond its proper size, like a distended/swollen human organ. It is a metaphor and a very evocative word. This image of a swollen organ in the human body suggests four things about the "natural" condition of the human ego: that it is empty, painful, busy and fragile.
- Empty. The image points to the fact that there is emptiness at the center of the human ego. Soren Kierkegaard says that it is the normal state of the human heart/ego to try to build its identity around something besides God. (Soren Kierkegaard, Sickness Unto Death, New York; Penguin, 1989.) Pride is the illusion that we are competent to run our own lives, achieve our own sense of self-worth and find a purpose big enough to give us meaning in life without God. The ego searches for something that will give it a sense of worth, specialness, purpose and builds itself on that -- and it is always going to be too small. It explains why men have killed others over a woman, their loved ones, and even their church and religion. Doesn't this explain why the religious leaders killed Christ?
- Painful. A distended and over inflated ego is painful. No one notices the parts of their body until something is wrong with it. No one says/thinks, "My toes and elbows are working so well." My ego, like a healthy elbow, would not hurt unless there was something wrong with it. The ego hurts because there is something incredibly terribly wrong with it; it is always drawing attention to itself...every single day. It always makes us think about how we look, how we are treated. People say that their feelings are hurt. But our feelings can't hurt! It is the ego that hurts - my sense of self, my identity. It is very hard to get through a whole day without feeling snubbed, or ignored, or feeling stupid, or getting down on ourselves. It is because there is something wrong with my ego, my identity, my sense of self. It is never happy. It is always drawing attention to itself. Doesn't this explain why we are hurt and angered when something we value is criticized?
- Busy. It is incredibly busy trying to fill the emptiness and drawing attention to itself. It is always busily doing two things in particular -- comparing and boasting..."of one of us over against the other" (1 Cor 4:6b). This is the very essence of a "normal" human ego: it tries to fill its emptiness and deal with its discomfort by comparing itself to others...all the time. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote in his famous chapter on pride: "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking, there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest." In brief, pride is the pleasure of being more than/better than the next person. By comparing ourselves to others and trying to make ourselves look better than them is boasting. Consciously or subconsciously, we are always commending ourselves, recommending ourselves, making sure we look good or better than others. Our ego is so busy, so busy all the time. Might this be why we like to think that our job, our family, our marriage, our children and our church is the best, or at least better than that of others?
- Fragile. Anything that is overinflated is in imminent danger of being deflated -- like an overinflated balloon. A superiority complex and an inferiority complex are basically the same. They are the results of being overinflated: overinflated and in danger of being deflated; or it is deflated already -- they tell you and tell themselves that they hate themselves. To be deflated means they were previously inflated. Deflated or in imminent danger of being deflated is the same. The "normal" human ego is fragile.
II. Transformation: The Transformed View of Self (1 Cor 4:1-7)
Are you free from what others think of you? Paul says that he is a minister with a job to do (1 Cor 4:1-2). Then he tells them that, with regard to that role, he cares very little if he is judged by them or any human court (1 Cor 4:3-4). The word "judge" has a similar meaning as "verdict." It is what MJ and Madonna craves -- the elusive verdict or stamp of approval. Paul does not look to the Corinthians -- or to any human court -- for the verdict that he is somebody. Paul is saying that he does not care what they think about him, nor what anybody thinks about him. His identity is not informed by what others say. Paul is essentially saying, "I don't care what you think. I don't care what anybody thinks." Paul's self-worth, self-regard, and identity is not tied in any way to their verdict, opinion or their evaluation of him.
How do we reach the point where we are not controlled/affected by what people think about us? Practically every counselor might say, "It doesn't matter what other people think of you," and "Don't live according to what others say. Just be concerned with what you think about yourself. It's not about other people's standards imposed upon you, but your own standards that you choose." The counselors' advice is, "Decide who you want to be and then be it," for only what you think about yourself matters.
Is low self-esteem remedied by having high self-esteem? See yourself as a great person, as a wonderful person. Think of what you have accomplished. Stop worrying about what others say about you. Does this work? Is this Paul's approach?
A low opinion of others' opinion and of one's opinion of oneself. Paul's approach could not be more different. He cares very little if others, including a human court, judges him. He takes it a step further: he will not even judge himself. He is saying, "Not only do I not care what you think, I do not even care what I think. I have a very low opinion of your opinion of me -- and a very low opinion of my opinion of me." Even the fact that he has a clear conscience makes no difference. "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent" (1 Cor 4:4a). Hitler might have had a clear conscience, but it does not mean he was innocent.
Why we cannot live by our own standards (or others' standards). It is a trap to think that we should not worry about others' standards and just set our own. It does not/cannot deliver. We will feel terrible to live by our parent's standards, society's standards, other societies' standards, or even our own standards. We cannot keep them, unless we set incredibly low standards. Are low standards the solution? If they are they will indict you as a person of low standards. Living by the standards of others or our own is a trap.
Where does Paul find his sense of self, his sense of identity? Paul does not get his sense of self, his identity from the church at Corinth, or from a human court (1 Cor 4:3). He does not go to them for the verdict that he is a "somebody." He does not get it from himself either. Either way it is a trap. Where then does Paul find his sense of self, his sense of identity? Be warned! At this point, Paul moves right off our map. He moves into territory that we know nothing about.
Can the "worst of sinners" have incredible confidence? Who was Paul? He was a man of incredible stature. He might be among the six or seven most influential leaders who ever lived in the history of the human race. He had enormous ballast, tremendous influence, incredible confidence. Nothing fazed him. Yet he said in 1 Tim 1:15, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." Not I was the worst, but I am the worst. We do not encounter someone who has incredible confidence volunteering the opinion that they are one of the worst people. He is totally honest and totally aware of all sorts of moral flaws -- yet has incredible poise and confidence.
Why can't we have incredible confidence...like Paul? We are judging ourselves, or letting others judge us, which Paul does not allow for himself (1 Cor 4:3). Paul is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect his sins to himself or to his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself. Paul sees all kinds of sins in himself -- and all kinds of accomplishments too -- but he refuses to connect them with himself or his identity. So, although he knows himself to be the chief of sinners, that fact does not stop him from doing the things that he is called to do.
Why do we lack confidence? If I think of myself as a bad person/sinner, I do not have confidence. If I give into sin again and again, filled with lust, anger or laziness, I have no confidence. Why? Because we are judging ourselves. We set our standards and then we condemn ourselves.
I don't care what you think and I don't care what I think (1 Cor 4:3). Paul is bringing us into new territory that we know nothing about. His ego is not puffed up, it is filled up. He is talking about humility. (Humility is a most misunderstood word today.) Paul is saying that his ego and pride draws no more attention to itself than any other part of his body. He has reached the place where he is not thinking about himself anymore. When he does something wrong or something good, he does not connect it to himself any more.
Gospel-humility. C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity makes a brilliant observation about gospel-humility at the very end of his chapter on pride. Lewis says that one who meets a truly humble person would never come away from meeting them thinking they were humble. The truly humble would not be telling us they were a nobody (because a person who keeps saying they are a nobody is actually a self-centered, self-obsessed person who is self-preoccupied, and who judges themselves as being inferior or less accomplished, compared to others.) What we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us.
What is the essence of gospel-humility? The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more or less of myself, but it is thinking of myself less. Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself, not needing to connect things with myself. True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. This is the freedom of self-forgetfulness. This is the blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.
True gospel-humility means an ego that is not puffed up but filled up. This is totally unique. It is not about high self-esteem. Or low self-esteem. It is not about self-esteem at all. The secret is in Paul's words: "I don't care about your opinion...and I don't care about my opinion." A truly gospel-humble person is not self-hating or self-loving, but a gospel-humble person -- a self-forgetful person whose ego is just like his or her toes or elbows. It just works. It does not draw attention to itself. Just as the toes just work, the ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself.
A simple little test to know how self-forgetful I am. Here it is. The self-forgetful person would never be hurt particularly badly by criticism. It would not devastate them, or bother them, or keep them up late ruminating and simmering. Why? A person who is devastated by criticism is putting too much value on what other people think, on other people's opinions.
Ignoring criticism or refusing to listen to criticism is pride. Generally, people are devastated by criticism -- or they are not devastated by criticism because they do not listen to it. They will not listen to it or learn from it because they do not care about it. They are proud. Their ego is distended. Their solution to low self-esteem or criticism is high self-esteem or pride, by refusing to listen to any criticism. But that is no solution. Both low self-esteem and pride are horrible nuisances to our own future and to everyone around us.
How a self-forgetful person handles criticism/life. Since their ego is not puffed up but filled up, criticism does not devastate them. They listen to it and see it as an opportunity to change. How does this happen? The more we understand the gospel, the more we want to change.
Do you need honor, recognition, success to feel validated? Don't you want to be a person who does not need honor -- nor is afraid of it? One who does not lust for recognition -- nor is frightened by it? One who, in their imaginary life, does not fantasize about hitting self-esteem home-runs, daydreaming about successes that gives them the edge over others? One who is free of regrets and never feel tormented by them? Wouldn't you like to be the skater who wins the silver, and yet is thrilled about the triple jumps the gold medal winner did? To love it like loving a sunrise? Just to love the fact that it was done? And not sulk because it was not done by you?
Do you understand blessed self-forgetfulness? We probably do not know anybody like that. But this is the possibility for us if we keep on going where Paul is going. I can start to enjoy things that are not about me (or my family or my church). I can actually enjoy things for what they are. They are not for my resume, for my self-esteem, for my sense of worth, for my identity, or for my own honor. They are not a way of filling up my ego or my emptiness. Wouldn't we want that? This is off our map. This is gospel-humility, blessed self-forgetfulness. Not thinking more of myself in modern cultures, or less of myself as in traditional cultures. Simply thinking of myself less.
III. Means: How to Get that Transformed Self (1 Cor 4:3-4)
Dikaioō. How did Paul get this blessed self-forgetfulness? First, he says, "I don't care what you think, and I don't care what I think" (1 Cor 4:3). He does not look to others or to himself for the verdict. Then he says, "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent" (1 Cor 4:4a). The word "innocent" comes from the word "justify" (dikaioō), the same word Paul uses throughout Romans and Galatians. Paul is saying that even if his conscience is clear, that does not justify him.
Our desperate need to be somebody/to be justified...every day. What Paul is looking for, what MJ and Madonna are looking for, what we are all looking for, is an ultimate verdict that we are important and valuable, that we are somebody. We look for that ultimate verdict every day from people all around us. That means that every single day, we are on trial; we put ourselves in a courtroom. The problem with our ego/pride/self-esteem -- whether it is high or low -- is that, every single day, we are in the courtroom of the world. Every single day we are on trial. That is the way that everyone's identity works. Some days we feel we are winning the trial; other days we feel we are losing it. But Paul is no longer ruled by what the church or any human court thinks (1 Cor 4:3). Paul found the secret. The trial is over for him. He is no longer in the courtroom. He is no longer on trial. It is because the ultimate verdict is in.
Do you realize that it is only in the gospel that you get the verdict before the performance? Paul knows that others cannot justify him, and he cannot justify himself. He says, "It is the Lord who judges me" (1 Cor 4:4b). It is only His opinion that counts. In all areas of life and in all the religions of the world, it is the performance that leads to the verdict. This means that every day, we are in the courtroom, and every day we are on trial. That is the problem. It makes us self-conscious and self-centered. But Paul says that in Christianity, the verdict leads to performance...never the performance that leads to the verdict. In Christianity, the moment we believe, God imputes Christ's perfect performance to us as if it were our own, and adopts us into His family. In Christ, God says to us as He once said to Jesus, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased" (Mk 1:11).
Do you know and live as though the verdict is already in? Thus, I now perform on the basis of the verdict. I no longer need to perform to get my desired verdict. He loves me. He accepts me. I do not have to perform to be accepted, or to prove myself, or to build up my ego, or my resume. I do not have to do things to make me look good. I can do things for the joy of doing them. I can help people to help them -- not to make me feel better about myself, or to fill up my inner emptiness.
In all of life, the performance leads to the verdict. In all of life, the verdict comes from the performance. We perform by being a good person, a religious person, a moral person, an honest person, a free person. Whatever it is, it is always the same: the performance leads to the verdict. But the verdict never comes. Imagine that the verdict never came even for MJ and Madonna, who both have heaps of talents, guts, success and accomplishments. Despite all that they have done and achieved, they both say that they have still not found the ultimate verdict they are looking for. The performance, no matter how excellent, never gets the ultimate verdict.
Only in Christianity does the verdict give you the performance. How can that be? Here is Paul's answer: he is out of the courtroom. He is no longer on trial. How? Because Jesus went on trial instead. Jesus went into the courtroom. He was put on trial. It was an unjust trial in a kangaroo court, but he did not complain. Like the lamb before the shearers, He was silent and did not open his mouth (Isa 53:7). He was struck, beaten, put to death. Why? As our substitute (2 Cor 5:21). He took the curse and the condemnation we deserve (Gal 3:13; 1 Pet 3:18). He faced the trial that should be ours so that we do not have to face any more trials. I simply need to ask God to accept me because of what Jesus has done on my behalf (Mt 7:7; Jn 14:14). Then, the only person whose opinion counts looks at me and He finds me more valuable than all the jewels in the earth.
Are you still upset for being treated poorly? Overlooked? Ignored? Regarded as inferior or damaged? If I truly know Jesus who was put on trial in my place, how can I now become upset for being treated rudely or poorly? For being ignored? Treated unfairly? Looked down upon as someone inferior? Stupid? Childish? Immature? How can we be so bent out of shape by others' dismissive treatment of us? How can we care that much about how we look like in the mirror?
Religiously driven or self-forgetful? Non-Christians and even Christians have never understood the difference between Christian identity (religiosity) and any other kind of identity (gospel-centrality). They call themselves Christian, because they consider that their moral and religious behavior is on the upper end of the scale. They go to church, read the Bible, pray, serve in various ministries, tithe. They believe that by doing so, God will bless them with a good life, and take them to heaven one day. But true Christian identity and true Christianity operates totally differently from this, or from any other kind of religious living or religious identity. Only self-forgetfulness takes you out of the courtroom.
The trial is over. The verdict is in. Perhaps this is new. Keep reflecting. Keep looking. Keep digging. Keep asking questions. There is a lot to discover. There are countless other questions. Why did Jesus have to die? Why did He rise from the dead? Was He really the Son of God? What does his death and resurrection have to do with me?
Are you easily hurt by others? Are you still trying to prove something to yourself and others like Michael Jordan and Madonna, the superstars of success? Trying to validate yourself and your life by your accomplishments and achievements? By your career? Your children? Your ministry? By how others would recognize you, regard you or respect you? If you are a Christian, do you know and experience and truly feel that in Christ, your verdict is already in, and it is A++?
Thoughts and Questions for Reflection:
- Use the words of Psalm 139:23-24 in prayer. Ask God to show you your heart, to show you the places you look for self-worth and the ways you try to find your sense of identity.
- Explain to someone else how the gospel can (and should) transform our sense of identity. How much do you experience that transformed sense of identity?
- In what ways has God's Word encouraged you or challenged you? If you are not sure, pray about it.
- Pray that God would give you what you need to enable you to develop true gospel-humility and the freedom of self-forgetfulness.
- Keller, Timothy. The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy.
- Lewis, C.S. Mere Christianity. The Great Sin.
- Servants of Christ (1 Cor 4:1-21).
- Love is not arrogant (Physioō).
- Physioō (arrogant or proud), the verb, occurs only seven times in the NT, six of which are found in this letter. They were puffed up with pride (1 Cor 4:6,18,19, 5:2), but love would remove pride and replace it with a desire to promote others (Rom 12:10). True love will give us an esteem of our brothers, and raise our value of them. This would limit the esteem of ourselves, and prevent the tumors of self-conceit and arrogance.
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